Imma douche’…

When you next are able to complain to the one you love about how life sucks,.. Remember that you have some one to complain to…
When you next have a fight,.. remember you have some one to fight with…
They could easily be gone.
Take every opportunity to stare into their eyes, or kiss them or hold them,..
Because every time, it could be the last.
I really miss her.
There are alot of things i would do differently if i could have.
And alot of things id really like to do.
And as im sure hardley anyone to no one reads this stuff,..
I will try,.. To get her back into my life.

To be hers,.. and have her as mine.
And it will take alot of effort.
And alot of people will tell me not to.
And alot of people will tell me i should get over her..

But i love her.

and love doesn’t just go away.

And im 100% sure i can make her happy.

It will just take a lot of effort.

Why talk at all?

I’m finding more and more evidence every day that perhaps talking always leads to trouble.
I’m thinking i should perhaps limit myself to a certain number of words or topics to talk about each day with anyone i know…
whilst only talking freely with people that i don’t know, via non face to face means.

It may just be one of the only ways to not be an absolute douche’.

21 eggs – Autism – CIR

Today,.. I found 21 eggs in a hidden nest,.. with one of my chickens sitting atop the huge mound..
It was between my cubbiehouse ( playhouse ) and my pool fence…
Yes,.. its ridiculous.

I woke up today,.. remembering i didn’t wash my make up off from the night before… when i was playing around with it.
I had blue eye shadow and purple and green eyeliner,.. so yes,.. it looked odd. but i don’t think it was bad.
I’ve been told i move around a lot in my sleep… but my make up did not look all that smudged…
I had the night to my self,.. so i thought id relax,.. and be myself,.. as i share a room with my brother,.. and he was out of town for the night.

Also,.. Earlier today,.. a friend of mine said i should take an AQ test,..  A test to help indicate if you have Autism or not.
And the results showed that i may. I have suspected that i may be autistic. And it explains a fair bit about myself.

Also,.. The whole not starting conversations with people has been going alright,….
Ive been fairly bored though.. especially because i did a Boot time virus scan today.. Took ages.
It seems that either this time of year every one is really busy or no one is really interested in talking to me.
Today two people spoke with me over the net directly. and probably 5 in face to face conversation.. because i have a large family.. i live with 7 people.

I’ve been lazy lately.. so tomorrow I think I’m going to pull my weight, and feel like i accomplished some things. Probably just cleaning… and rearranging things..
in the yard , back room and shed.

I’ve also recently realised that hardly anyone reads this blog.. which is alright,.. it means i can say lots of stuff with out worrying what people think, and not care that the way i write is annoying and terribly structured.
But I do feel as though eventually it would be nice to effect and affect more people.

I will probably have more interesting things to write about soon,… as I’m going to try to remember the more interesting thoughts i have every day, specifically for that reason,..

But i have a terrible memory so I’m probably going to use a note pad.

Tips on how not to be annoying or how to be more captivating would be appreciated.

CIR follow up,.. Also,.. A semi-propper explination of who i am.

Its been boring again today,.. with the only real conversations being ones i wish to avoid,.. (drunks with terrible breath)
I’m really not liking not speaking unless spoken to… Which i suppose goes to show i may be socially retarded,.. But i am also socially dependent.

Anyways,..
My name is Sarah,.. Well at least that is what you can call me,..
I’m A confused and confusing individual, I love Computers.. In a non weird way,..
I’m 18
I am interested in games design.
I have blue eyes, and i was born with blond hair,.. Hitler would have loved that,.. Not that i sympathize with racists or homicidal maniacs..
I now have long brown hair,..
I’m a rather shy person,.. and that’s really what this blog is here to help.
I like watching dramatic television shows that aren’t predictable,. and id love if the weather agreed with watching them while cuddling..
I also like cuddling,..
I like looking beautiful.
I especially like being called beautiful.
I like it when people seem genuinely interested in spending time with me
I like puppies, And Chickens and Birds And Cats.. and Ducks And Gaming. and the colour purple.
I like  Comedy,.. My favourite comedian is Timothy David Minchin, and i like Television shows such as The big bang theory, How i met your mother and scrubs.
I also like television shows such as  House, Repo, Myth busters, Good Game etc,…
I like Most Meaty Foods, I like Bacon especially.. but there is such thing as too much for me.
Potatoes are my favourite vegetable, and i don’t mind most others,..
I hate beetroot.
I hate Chillies.
I like to tinker and make things/ modify things. Like on Instructables.

I Cant really handle spicy foods,.. I never add pepper to anything.
I like olives.
I think anime is cute,.. But i dislike anime that is just magic demons and animated violence,.. it is really pointless to me and has no end,..
its just,.. In this episode they fight a really hard thing to beat,..   In the next episode,.. They fight a really hard thing to beat…
Or at least that is how it seems to me.,..
I fell in love with ‘I, My, Me, Strawberry Eggs’  for instance,…

I dislike alcohol and drugs,..
I rarely drink alcohol.. unless its one of those social situations where in if i don’t drink people think I’m retarded..
Oh I live in Australia by the way.,.. Which might explain my hate for the weather and Social Drinking Expectations.

I am often annoying,.. without noticing,.  I think this is due to anxiety,.. Which i think is due to Blood sugar level problems i have,.. Because I’m not so greatly careful with what and how often i eat.
Some of the annoying things i do are:
Talk too much.
Talk when people are not interested.
Use too many words to say something simple.
Extrapolate on unimportant topics.
Talk my way into tangents.
Give a lot of detail to a yes or no answer.
Incessantly beat box or tap my fingers on things.
Go on logic based trolling trips, where in i find it difficult not to pick up on peoples technical incorrectness’s. even though i am definitely incorrect a lot.

And i am a trap.
Google it,..

 

CIR Follow up one,..

This is as boring as all hell,.. Three people had very small conversations with me today,..
so far, no one seems all that interested in talking to me,…
It is really frustrating,..
Probably because i have avoided playing computer games,..
Because i know i have to be applying for jobs,…
Which i have also been having trouble with,…
If only i were applicable to the specifications of more advertised positions..
Any Advice is welcome.

CIR. A Socialy retarded inititive.

I think perhaps i will give myself a challenge that will help me learn about my immediate social surroundings.

I will call it the,.. Conversation instigation refrain.

In this  CIR i will be  Avoiding starting any direct conversations,…

Oh yes, i can still monologue, But i will avoid starting any conversations that are not absolutely necessary.

This should let me see how many people think it is a good idea to or actually want to start a conversation with me.

I’m both interested and scared of what these results will be..

I will update with progress every now and then..

Emotional Supression and Expression.

Suppressing emotions is something everyone has done,.. (or at least the average person who is over 10 years old)
But What good does it really do? Probably not much,.. of course there are exceptions.

Suppression is a antonym of Expression, yet if some one has expression problems,.. are they suppressing their own emotions because they are not expressing them?
I say, No.
Simply because there are external factors, things other than themselves can suppress their emotions or thoughts.
like prison guards, school bullies, or just society.

I have trouble with emotional expression, and that makes me sad, but i do think it is myself that is suppressing my emotion.

Calm Violence.

When peoples will falls, they often fall to violence… This to me is disgraceful.
Even in saying so,.. I admit I am of course not perfect,
though to often fall to violence as a means of problem solving, when unnecessary, is not only unnecessary but also ridiculous.
I much dislike a lack of composure, such as when people lash out violently due to a simple annoyance.
I understand in some situations violence may be wise, but for it to be backed by rage or anger rather than calm problem solving intent is stupid.

Image shack

Damn you Imageshack You used to animate my Gifs…
what now?  nothing,.. that’s what.
that is all.

 

Study.

Currently Undertaking a huge defining moment of my life…
HSC
I sure hope i do well enough to end up doing what i want in life, with minimal complications.
Here is a picture for luls